Thursday, April 23, 2015

The Wrong Path Part 2

So the other day I posted about the pagan times of my life. And to just recap quickly.....While I was on that part of my life's journey I realized that the majority of the people that I met were just as confused and hurt as I was with regards to the Christian life. Most had been hurt by other Christians in one way or another. This hurt inspired them to lash out against God, against the Bible and what it stands for, and more than anything they lashed out against what they viewed as "organized religion". In doing this they were grasping onto anything that made them feel better, that seemingly gave them more control over their lives, and anything that would show in a very public way that they were against anything "Christian". These are people that have been hurt by the ones that SHOULD have been showing them love.

*Edit*I've stated many times with my business of manufacturing bath and body products that believe in complete transparency and full disclosure. Well that also continues on over into my personal life and my work in ministry as well. I have nothing to hide. And my experiences can hopefully help someone else going through the same thing. I believe tha tin order to help others that one must also be willing to be open and honest about themselves to start with. And that is where I'm coming from and sharing my life as it was when I was living as a pagan.

Now on to the not so pretty side of things.......and yes, it's more confession time for me here.

You see, while I was hurt by many Christians which led me to live as a pagan to begin with, I was also hurt by people who called themselves my friends who were also pagan. This opened my eyes to the fact that even Christians are just human and will make mistakes and are capable of hurting others.

I was involved in a coven - yes, the witchy wiccan kind. I was the coven scribe. That just means that I kept record of everything from every gathering we had. We had our circles for every pagan holiday you can think of. We attended every pagan gathering and festival that was close enough to drive to. And yes, I dragged my husband and children to these events with me. We met some very different people at these events. And now that I look back on those times I feel so very sorry for many of the people I saw. Many of them are under the dilution that they are actually fairies. They believe they do real magic (the hocus pocus kind you see on TV). I anyone or any living thing. But there were some that practiced what they called "dark magick".

And that leads me to the most horrific experience of my life. A little background first.....within our "coven" we had a set of rules. One of the main rules was that none of us were to bring in an outsider without prior consent from the whole group. If even one of us was uncomfortable with someone they were not brought in. This was for the safety of everyone involved. So noone would know where we lived, where we gathered, etc. And you will soon see why that rule was so important.

One night we had a coven gathering at my home. The lady who was considered the "high priestess" took it upon herself to bring in someone that we did not know and that had not been voted on. My dog (a Rottie) went absolutely crazy as soon as this man got out of his car. If she could have gone straight through the fence to get him she would have. He also was obviously very scared of her. Without making this story too long let's just say that the so called "leader" of our little group decided she didn't like me anymore. I was best friends with her father and step-mother though. That night when we wrapped things up and everyone left. Her step-mom called me because she had a very bad feeling about something. She felt that something bad was going to happen to me and that it involved her step-daughter and this man. She called me to warn me.

That night I found myself in my own personal "hell". Around 11pm strange phone calls started. The person on the other end had used a device to alter their voice so that I could not recognize who it was. The phone number appeared as a blocked number. They were calling every 5-10 minutes. The calls were threatening in every possible way. They knew things about my life that only our "coven" members knew (such as my husband was out of town, where he was, when he would be back, my children's names and ages, where their bedrooms were in the house, etc). I didn't have visitors to my home other than these people. We lived out in the boonies (which is why we had our gatherings at my house). And I did not share personal information with anyone except those in my closest circle of friends, which, at that time, was my coven friends.

The calls escalated to brutal and very cruel threats of violence against my children and my husband as they stated the purpose was all for me to watch so that I could be punished. These calls continued until around 4am the next morning. During this time I called the police multiple times. I was upfront and honest with them about the situation. And I found that by doing so they were unwilling to come to my aid. Now mind you, I had 4 children in the house and my husband was not home at this time and the police were made very aware of this. I had all the calls recorded on voicemail as I stopped answering them and letting them go straight to voicemail. This was the most helpless that I had ever felt in my life.

Now you want to know who I cried out to for help? Who it was that was my first thought when the police failed me? GOD!! Yes, I was on my knees begging Him to rescue me and my keep us safe. It wasn't the pagan gods that I prayed to. It was the One and Only Almighty God, my Heavenly Father that I cried out to.

After getting off my knees I had the strength to answer the phone one more time. I remembered at that moment that my dog did not like this man and that he was very afraid of my dog. When I answered I did not give him the time to speak. I just spoke to him and reminded him that my dog didn't like him, that he wouldn't make it past my door frame, and that I did have other means to defend myself. I didn't have the strength to stand up to this person prior to calling out to God. I didn't have the courage either. But in that moment of prayer God poured out His peace, His courage and His strength onto me.

The police finally arrived the following evening....yes, you read that was nearly 24 hours after the fact that they finally decided to show up. They sat and listened to every gruesome threat (the caller was very detailed in what he was going to do to my family while making me watch and then what he would do to me when he was done....very very detailed down to the last drop of blood in our bodies). They recorded the messages. I gave them every phone number and address for the ones I knew were involved. They also had this girl's family's information. They had everything they needed to handle this. But, sadly, they dropped it and never did a thing. So once again, I was crushed and felt defeated.

I would love to say that at that point I turned back to the church and to God. But it was the moment. I continued on my journey. Met a few others that were not quite as bad as these people but still bad in other ways. But it was the same story with each of them, they were deeply hurt by people who called themselves Christians. Hurt people hurt people.

We ultimately moved out of the area and while I was not really what you would consider a "practicing witch" anymore, I also had not turned fully back to God. Not until that friend of mine invited me to her church (the one I speak of in the previous post).

I can assure you, though, that I never once witnessed the divine healing and deliverance during these pagan days of mine like I have that comes from Almighty God. And having experienced divine healing myself (yes, even prior to this time on my pagan journey) I know there is nothing like this to be found in the pagan world. The "spells" are prayers to their gods. They cry out to their gods but there is never an answer.

So now, as I reflect back on this time of my life, I see all the many many times that God had me protected. So many situations that could have ended very badly for me and my family. So many dangers lurking in that world, in the pagan world. It wasn't the false gods that rescued me, that protected me, that gave me strength and courage. No. It was my Abba Father. It was the Almighty God of the Bible.

I tell you all this to convey this message....... Even when you do not think God is with you, He is. Even when you think He has left you and abandoned you, He hasn't. Even when you think there is something more, something better out there, there isn't. Even when you are confused and don't know what to do, He still has a plan for you. Even when you feel unloved and left out, He still loves you. Even when you are not acting and behaving in a way that pleases Him, He still loves and accepts you. Even when you are broken, battered and bruised, He is your healer. And no matter what you've done, no matter what you've said, no matter what company you keep, when you cry out to Him, He is there and He will answer. God is God. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is unchanging. He is forgiving. He is loving. He is kind. He is our everything. And there is nothing and no-one in this world that loves you more than He does.

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